I have to admit that I still get haunted by the loss of my Kuya. I lose sleep constantly or even struggle to go to sleep. When my mind is idle, I worry about the my life and the life of my loved ones ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

In as much as I pray, read my Bible, and get that indescribable peace, I still worry. All the what ifs and how comes still pop up from time to time. It’s refreshing I get to talk to family about it but, then, you also need to back off because you also wouldn’t want to trigger their (family) anxiety and worries. It’s a balancing act that we’ve learned to deal with but know we can’t always have but, again, you’re kinda forced to have to. When I have my head on; My making-sense head on, you kinda know that God has everything under control and that He is clearly protecting you from something worse but when you’re in “it”, it’s an anxious feeling that no amount of logic can break you out of.

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels
Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

What I have come to terms with is that you really don’t move on – you CAN’T move on; you move forward. Moving on means that you have to forget them and we don’t want to forget them. We can’t forget them.

So we just have to move forward.

God be praised.


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